As a vegetarian, it drives me nuts when someone tells me they’re a vegetarian too, and then immediately follows it up with “I mean, I eat fish though.” I know it’s snobby to judge them, but I do, partly because the word “pescatarian” was invented specifically to describe people who limit their animal-eating to fish, and these fake vegetarians are stealing my obnoxious moral superiority and they know it, but mostly because I LOVE seafood and I miss it more than anything else. So I’m basically just really jealous. That’s why when our good friend Cassiopeia invited us to her end-of-summer clambake, it was almost impossible for me to RSVP yes. I knew the torture I would be inflicting upon myself would be unbearable, yet I am never one to say no to a party–especially a THEME party, so I attended with some vegan coconut ceviche in tow. I SWEAR it’s delicious. No, really it is! Anyway, the party was so much worse than I expected, and so much better than the meat-eaters in attendance could ever have dreamed. Cassie had a serving platter’s worth of lobster, shrimp, crab, corn cobs, potatoes, and of course clams for each guest in attendance, and it was all gorgeous. I sat at the end of a table with my bowl of “ceviche” in envy of everyone else and pretended like it was just as good, but we all knew it didn’t even come close. If you, like me, are a legit vegetarian who pines after seafood, here’s the recipe. It actually IS really delicious, as long as you’re not sitting next to multiple plates of actual seafood.

Photo: Tricks of the Trade